Meant to be

I just came across this very interesting blog (in general, check it out), and the three posts about whether adoption is "meant to be."

You know that I've struggled with exactly this issue, and these discussions raise a lot of important questions for me.

Is there a way that we could say that of all the adoptive parents possible, we were meant to be Baby E's, as opposed to he was meant to be our son (and hence the wrong tummy problem)?  This reminds me of the linguistic difference that I make - I don't call Baby E my adopted son, I say I am his adoptive mother.  We don't say he was adopted, we say we adopted him.  I want the focus to be on me and my life, not him.

I do believe in the sanctity of Mama B's choice.  I have absolute faith in her.

Here's the first post, second, and third. Read the comments, they're amazing!

Bearing a load

This morning, our whole family - Papa D, Baby E, and me - went to church together!  It was just like I dream of.  We all got dressed up and walked the half-block to the Unitarian Universalist church.  We were warmly greeted and have acquaintances among the congregation.

The service was a "Celebration of Death and Life," led by a mother/artist (who is a certified leader of Dances of Universal Peace).  The chairs were in a circle around an altar swathed in gold fabric and covered with fall leaves.

The most striking thing about the experience was how comfortable I felt.  The people were are liberal-types like us, the language was all "inclusive."  I don't mind doing "movements" while we sing, or walking up to the altar to add my leaf to the basket in memory of a loss.  It was like being let out of a cage.

On the other hand, the service - while it had a bunch of nice elements - had no power.  It was like going through the motions, so dry.  This is the usual criticism of  UU, and sadly it was the case yesterday.

But it must have been working below the service - I mean it was a service about death, and my mother's loss still smarts, and I've been to three memorial services in the last six months - because by the end, I was moved.  I cried during the final verse of "Lean On Me:"

If there is a load you have to bear

That you can't carry

I'm right up the road

I'll share your load