Up

I haven't had time to write here, because I'm not stuck in an office all day anymore. After a few days of angst, I was able to accept this time as an unplanned summer "staycation." I've been walking every day, getting lots of sun (for the Vitamin D), and cooking again. I visit Baby E at his daycare at midday to nurse him and sometimes I bring him home for the rest of the day. I'm seeing friends that I never have time to see and just generally enjoying life outside of the daily grind. It sure is nice to NOT drive for 2 hours a day!

When I do get to my computer, I'm focused on the job hunt and feel like this journal is a guilty indulgence.

But, after a too-long hiatus, I did manage to get back to church on Sunday, and I can't help but record the experience. It was nice to be back, felt comfortable, and I was pleasantly surprised to see a woman from one of my networking groups sitting in the front pew. I opened the bulletin, and there was her name - she's the secretary for the church.

The reading and sermon were on the topic "The Wisdom of Waiting on God." Obviously a topic of interest to me. The pastor spoke of the inherent value of waiting, of being open-hearted and patient. I interpreted his sermon to mean that there are good times for things to happen in your life, and you may not know when that time is. Just because you want something to happen NOW, doesn't mean NOW would be the best possible time. God sees much more of the big picture than we do, and s/he knows all that can be affected by change.

But. It was very interesting how different it feels now that "something" has happened to me. Of course, I'm still waiting - for job ads to be posted, for emails requesting interviews, for calls with job offers - but it feels very different. I no longer feel like I am in a state of suspended animation. I feel alive...and free! And hopeful.

There's an odd duality in my beliefs about this situation. If things go well, if a new job appears quickly, then I'll believe that this was all a part of God's plan. However, if things don't go well, it's hard for me to imagine thinking that was God's purpose - to make me suffer.

(Yes, I know about Job. But I haven't really decided what to think of the story of Job.)

At the end of the service, the Pastor made a big announcement: next Sunday will be his last! After all the drama with his reappointment, he's still leaving. It's too bad, because I really liked his voice and his presence. But it will be valuable for me to see someone new. I don't even know if women are allowed to be pastors in this church...

Well, there's one thing I do know after attending a scant three times. My favorite part of the service is singing the hymn. These old spirituals have such amazing tunes. I was really swinging this week, as we sang "Lift Him Up":

How to reach the masses, men of every birth,
For an answer, Jesus gave the key:
“And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
Will draw all men unto Me.”

• Refrain:
  Lift Him up, lift Him up;
  Still He speaks from eternity:
  “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
  Will draw all men unto Me.”

Oh! the world is hungry for the Living Bread,
Lift the Savior up for them to see;
Trust Him, and do not doubt the words that He said,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”

Don’t exalt the preacher, don’t exalt the pew,
Preach the Gospel simple, full, and free;
Prove Him and you will find that promise is true,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”

Lift Him up by living as a Christian ought,
Let the world in you the Savior see;
Then men will gladly follow Him Who once taught,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”