I think I have written previously about the idea that “there is a baby meant for us.” This phrase was shoved by our throats by the Christians surrounding us at our adoption agency, so we really fought it. It’s a case of the message being lost because of the messenger.
This meant that we couldn’t find comfort in the idea of God’s plan during our adoption process. I tried to find meaning during the down periods:
- Why were we matched with a situation only to have the baby be stillborn? The answer I cam e to was that we were meant to help the expectant mother in her time of need, before baby Adam died.
- Why were we used by a mother who never meant to place? It’s hard to find solace from this experience, but it did help me learn more about my mother’s experience during my childhood.
As I reassess the adoption experience with the idea that our long wait and disappointments were a part of our path to E, I think about whether those challenges were destined to happen and how they were an important part of our experience.
If so, that means that in both my path to parenthood and my career path, I’ve had recent experiences with difficult challenges followed by amazing rewards. Is this a typical way that God(dess) works?
Regardless, it is clear to me that God(dess) has been working wonderful things into my life. I feel so fortunate and blessed. I’ve actually become a bit superstitious – while my experience of attending church is a bit ambivalent right now, I’m afraid to stop going because such good things have happened to me while I have been a guest there.
I still don’t know how strongly I am being drawn to the Christian church – even as the new pastor has been urging me to deepen my commitment. A good friend has encourage me to meet with the pastor and explain my path to her, so that she knows where I am coming from.
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